Censored
by naiad8
Summary: It's a songfic. It's corny. But I'm trying to get back into writing! That's good isn't it? - Alas, apparently using songs in a fic is now worthy of the attentions of one whose hero is Dolores Umbridge.


A/N - I've been missing from writing for months - close to a year. Way too much going on in my life. But I heard a version of this song and I was hit with so many Cedfia feelings I had to write this thing - even though I know it's terrible. Maybe my muse will stop hiding and I can finish some of my works in progress that have half finished chapters on my laptop. I will try to finish more of Princess Wilde and Duchess ASAP, and post the other story I have partially finished playing with time again. Thanks for reading (although this is very bad - songfic and I don't get along)

Update 3/7/18

A reviewer has threatened to report me unless I remove all lyrics or delete this fic. There will always be people who revel in small powers. If they proceed to make my life miserable and threaten to report all of my fics, I'm naiadwrites at Archive Of Our Own.

The burden of enforcement is to enforce with empathy and honor.

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The first time I realized that you wanted to steal the Amulet – I knew I had been a fool. I was a fool over and over again, believing in you, when everyone else thought you were evil or inept or both. They thought I was a fool to spend so much time with you. To be your friend, your apprentice. To confess any and all of the foolish thoughts of my heart to you. I was a fool to notice everything about you, and find them all charming.

I was a fool to kiss you on the cheek on the day I left to visit with Prince Ranulf's family – with every intention of a courtship soon following. I was a fool not to realize you were distracted and turning your head. I was a fool not to pull away the moment our lips met.

I was a fool to pull you to me for another kiss. And I was a fool to run away when you pulled away instead.

I thought of you everyday I was away from Enchancia. Prince Ranulf never had a chance.

I was a fool to stay away for so long anyway. In coming home, I am terrified.

Will I be a fool once again? Confess my ultimate secret? Even everyone has told me to think twice, to slow down, to consider all the implications – but I want to rush forward into your arms the moment I set foot on Enchancian soil and tell you that you are everything I long for?

That everyone tells me to wait for the right Prince Charming,

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You are coming home today – and I should leave while I can. I should pack up every last spellbook and potion ingredient and depart forthwith, to some tiny corner of the world where you won't be able to find me and I will not be so very tempted by everything you are.

But I want to stay. I want to be waiting in front of the castle for your coach, and ready to take in the beauty of your face and form – the liveliness of your mind and the sparkle of your smile and I want to claim it – I want you to be mine more that I've ever wanted to master a complex spell or rule a kingdom or claim my father's approval. One smile from you and I am filled with joy. I'm a pathetic fool. I'll stay here in my tower, remembering the taste of your lips and trying to find the will to do the right thing.

What would I be if I took what you offered that day so many months ago. What would I be if I pursued you? Won you? Seduced you?

How many sins can you forgive me for before I find the one that breaks your heart?

I don't deserve you. I should leave.

But I'm weak. I will stay. And I hope you will forgive me

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My steps wind across the palace toward your tower. It is my heart's home – more so than any other beloved place in this castle.

You weren't there when I arrived, and my heart hurt. But then again – I was grateful I didn't have to resist the urge to throw myself into your arms and start up exactly where we left off.

So I say all the right things and make all the many hugs and kisses and happy sounds of reunion. You don't appear at dinner – your routine hasn't changed that much, from my quiet inquiries of Violet. So I wait until the dark of the night, when the sounds of my slippers are the loudest sound in the hallways. I have to see you – even if is just to hear you tell me that you still think of me as a child, I have to see your face.

But I'm a fool, and I believe in us. So my heart speaks louder than my head, whispering -

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I'm waiting for you, the fire low in the grate of my workroom when I hear the scrape of the key in the lock, and the door opens soundlessly. Your beautiful face, grown from childish loveliness to womanly grace, peers around the room before your eyes settle on my face where I'm sitting in my chair, my hands steepled in front of me while I try to appear calm and collected and wise instead of the frightened boy I feel myself to be.

My heart thumps in my chest, and you smile at me, and take a step toward me, and what can I do but stand, my hand reaching out for yours without any conscious thought, my lips whisper,

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Did you think I would falter? Did you think I would run again? Your face – that face that I've loved in so many ways, looked like you were waiting for your doom when I walked in.

And then you smiled – the smile I've seen your give solely to me. And you held out your hand, and your nerves got the best of you.

I'm already yours. You just had to ask. I grab your hand, and step closer, holding our joined hands to my heart as I stand to whisper back,

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Your kiss is sweet. It's too hard to resist. And I don't want to. I've known for months – since that first kiss, that it's impossible. I give in,

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